Bangkok Dangerous

January 14th, 2010 DVD Reviews, Film, Xpress

It’s quite common for an American studio or director to remake and balls up an Asian action or horror classic, but less so for directors to balls up their own remake.

It fair to presume however that the Pang brothers aren’t completely responsible for this debacle, probably having had Disney executives hanging over their shoulders every time they said ‘action’ or ‘cut’. Still, they should have left such dross due to creative differences long before it was foisted on unsuspecting audiences.

As always, the sillier Nicolas Cage’s hair is, the worse the movie seems to be. The days where he’d mix up every brainless action movie like Con Air with a smart drama like Leaving Las Vegas seem long gone, this and 2009’s godawful Knowing his usual standard of late.

He plays an assassin for hire who lives by a handful of simple rules, is good at what he does and for whom the world is his playground to in which to work and disappear at his whim.

Yes it is all starting to sound familiar, and because you’ve seen this character fifty four thousand times it needed something very special to sell it further. Unfortunately, Cage phones in his performance as the hero takes on a sidekick to be his helper and falls in love with an angelic deaf-mute shop assistant in a pharmacy. For a guy who’s golden rule is no emotional ties, he training some random bozo off the street in his craft and pursuing a blushing damsel a little too easily.

How will he pull of his much-fabled One Last Job and get out with his life intact? Can he hide his living from his new beau (in one of the movie’s most ridiculous scenes he shoots two muggers dead right behind her which she doesn’t hear because she’s deaf)? Even more importantly, can Cage play any role lately that doesn’t make him look like a slack-jawed Great Dane that’s just been whipped?

Every action cliché is there, which is curious in such an absence of any real action.

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